


a knife in the woods

by krewella



Category: The Creatures | Cow Chop RPF
Genre: Aleks is a bit of an asshole here, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cheating, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-19
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-08-04 14:11:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16348223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krewella/pseuds/krewella
Summary: They’d been teetering on the edge for weeks, months, years. Day in and day out filled with temptation and what felt like nothing to stop them. That’s how James finds himself shoved roughly back onto his bed, Aleks pinning him down. He has never seen Aleks like this - his eyes ignited with a blaze that spells danger. Everything about this is wrong, wrong, wrong, and yet so right.Everything is James and Aleks and nothing else matters.





	a knife in the woods

**Author's Note:**

  * For [playthetyrants](https://archiveofourown.org/users/playthetyrants/gifts).



> Hi, guys! 
> 
> I'm back with my longest one-shot yet, oops. I took this idea and really ran with it. 
> 
> I'd like to include a warning of sorts that this fic deals heavily with explicit cheating. If that bothers you, I would recommend not reading it. I don't condone cheating by any means, but fiction has its own inspirations. 
> 
> This fic would not be possible without my friend Natalie! She has helped me through this fic every step of the way. I love her. 
> 
> Title is from the Jon Bellion song The Good In Me which inspired this fic. Definitely take a listen if you want to see where my ideas came from, haha. 
> 
> As always, you can find me at jamesrwilsonjr on Tumblr and @aiekswilson on Twitter!

They’d been teetering on the edge for weeks, months, _years_. Day in and day out filled with temptation and what felt like nothing to stop them. 

That’s how James finds himself shoved roughly back onto his bed, Aleks pinning him down. He has never seen Aleks like this - his eyes ignited with a blaze that spells danger. 

Aleks grabs James’ hands at the wrists and makes sure James can do nothing but respond to him and him alone. Everything about this is wrong, wrong, wrong, and yet so _right_. 

It only takes Aleks hooking his fingers into James’ belt loops and tugging before James’ mind blanks entirely. 

Everything is James and Aleks and nothing else matters. 

~~~

The incessant chirping of a bird outside James’ window rouses him from a deep sleep. He sleepily rolls over and slings his arm around Aleks’ waist. Or where Aleks’ waist should have been. James’ hand slaps his mattress instead and the sated feeling from last night dissipates into the morning light. His stomach tightens with the realization Aleks had left in the night again, leaving James alone in his cold bed. 

He fumbles around for his discarded jeans, plucking his phone from the back pocket. He has a couple emails and the usual Twitter notifications, but the one unread message from Aleks is what catches his attention. 

_Aleks: Sorry, had to run out before Charlotte comes over today, lol. See you at work on Monday._

James quashes the pain blooming in his heart at reading Aleks’ girlfriend’s name and he lets his phone fall to the bed with a quiet _thump_. He is such a fucking idiot for getting involved in the first place, but despite the rather impersonal text Aleks sent him, James can’t help but feel. 

God, he felt so much and it had been so little time. Well, if he actually faced the facts he’d be able to acknowledge the fact that it hadn’t been that little of time at all. Rather he had been harboring these feelings over a long period of time, but was unwilling to express them. 

He and Aleks had both been through their fair share of partners. James’ were decidedly more male than Aleks’, but that was a fact shared comfortably with everyone who worked at Cow Chop. It wasn’t something he shared publicly, of course, as the fans would probably have a field day with it and fetishize him or something. 

Regardless, he had always known in his heart that Aleks was straight. He was just one of those annoying assholes who made a lot of gay jokes and kept inciting him with touches and comments and maybe James just let him. He shouldn’t have, but when you’re desperate, you’ll let yourself believe anything. Particularly, James allowed himself to entertain the concept that maybe Aleks wasn’t as straight as previously assumed. That much seemed to be clear once they had finally moved out to LA. 

Aleks had grown to be quite touchy-feely and James was often the target of his affections. It was like Aleks went out of his way to brush against him or leave his hand on him for a little too long. His smiles seemed more genuine, too, like James was the funniest person he had ever met in his life. 

James thought himself to be pretty funny, but maybe not _that_ funny. He took all of these to be good signs and he even had worked up the courage to say something to Aleks within the next week. Maybe LA would finally be his chance. 

It was late one night and James had tagged along with Brett and Aleks to a local dive bar. He wasn’t much for going out, but he thought liquid courage could give him the confidence to say what he wanted to say. 

What he didn’t expect to see was a curly haired girl attached to Aleks’ side, Aleks’ arm firmly around her waist. 

Brett was nonplussed, merely lifting his half-empty drink in acknowledgment of their arrival. James’ hand clenched tightly around his recently drained glass, knuckles whitening ever so slightly. 

Aleks seemed oblivious to James’ visceral reaction and chattered on with a brief introduction of Charlotte, his apparent new girlfriend. James looked her up and down, not realizing he was trying to figure out what she had that he didn’t. 

The more he looked at her, the more he realized she resembled him down to the long, curly brown hair. That held its own sort of reassurance and he let it temper his simmering jealousy. 

It didn’t help that Charlotte seemed like a genuinely good person with similar interests to he and Aleks and by the end of the night, they were both poking fun of Aleks. James could see why Aleks would pick someone like her and he wished he could feel happier for her. The insecurities buzzing around his head were quickly washed away under a steady stream of alcohol and infectious laughter. 

~~~

It doesn’t start out immediately - James thinks he’s better than that. He knows deep down he isn’t, but pretenses can at least be maintained. 

It absolutely wasn’t fair that Aleks felt like he could go shirtless around the warehouse, proudly displaying an expanse of skin James just wanted to touch. He wouldn’t - he _couldn’t_. 

James had a strict no-reaction policy with Aleks. It didn’t matter that Aleks was all over him or egging him on. Aleks could leave a lingering hand on his bicep or make a suggestive joke ended with some grand gesture and James would brush him aside. James thinks this only makes Aleks more willing to push the boundaries, but James’ willpower would crumble if he ever reciprocated. 

So he kept his hands to himself and his thoughts at bay when Aleks got a little too drunk and situated himself in James’ lap. Well, he was going to until Aleks started moving too much and James had to keep him still for his own sake. 

“Stop moving, Aleksandr,” James hissed through clenched teeth, planting his hands on Aleks’ hips. 

Aleks’ eyes lit up with recognition then as he freed himself from James’ grasp. “So I shouldn’t do...this?” Aleks asked, drawing out the last syllable as he ground down on James’ lap. 

“Don’t make me do something we’ll both regret,” James retorted more to himself than the occupant of his lap. Aleks pretended he didn’t hear anything. 

That was the final straw for James as he shoved Aleks ungracefully off his lap. Aleks looked pleased with himself and leaned in to whisper, “I’m coming home with you.” 

His whiskey-laden words sounded like a promise and who was James to refuse? _He knew better. He knew better. He knew so much better._

And yet he didn’t stop Aleks from pulling open his passenger door and sliding in like he belonged there. Aleks’ phone buzzed insistently and he made a show of powering it off. 

“Don’t need her interrupting us,” Aleks laughed, an intoxicating sound. He had acknowledged the elephant in the room so easily and casually.

Desire morphed into guilt and James wanted to stop the car, to tell Aleks to call an Uber and get away from him. It only took Aleks sliding a hand up his inner thigh to press down on the gas. 

~~~

Teeth sink in James’ neck, blooming into shades of red and purple splashed obscenely across his skin. A mark of his indiscretion. A sign of his willingness to hurt others. A testament to Aleks’ power over him. 

James can’t suppress the moan that escapes his lips as he stumbles backwards into his bedroom. He barely kicks his shoes off before Aleks has covered his body with his own. Aleks pulls his shirt off effortlessly and the warm weight of bare skin pressed against James feels like enough for him to lose it right then and there. 

James lifts a hand to trace the colorful designs across Aleks’ chest, stopping only to brush his thumb against his nipple. Aleks jerks away slightly at that and tells him to do it again, a little more breathless than before. 

James uses Aleks’ momentary powerlessness to flip their positions and pushes Aleks further into his bedspread. He silently thanks the heavens he remembered to wash his sheets this weekend and turns his attention back to the flustered man below him. It takes but a couple seconds to get Aleks down to his boxers - they’re both chasing a high they don’t want to come down from. 

Their teeth clash almost painfully as they kiss. It’s messy and too hot and James feels like he’s on fire. His stomach is a pool of molten desire and his dick is digging rather embarrassingly into Aleks’ hip. 

“Someone happy to see me?” Aleks smirks but before James can sputter out a response, he’s slipped his hand under James’ waistband. 

“You are not going to make me come in my pants like a fucking teenager,” James snaps, writhing away from Aleks’ practiced hand. Aleks just laughs at his wriggling and allows him to undress finally. 

Aleks’ laugh feels like an aphrodisiac and James doesn’t know how he kept his hands off him for this long. 

“You just gave me room to do this instead,” Aleks grins and wraps his mouth around James’ dick. James nearly jumps out of his skin and he steadies himself with a palm against Aleks’ shoulder. His grip leaves half-moon impressions and Aleks seems to respond to the pinpricks of pain. 

“God, Aleksandr, you’re going to be the end of me,” James manages to pant out, trying to keep it together. “How are you so good at this?” 

Aleks swirls his tongue around the tip of James’ cock and pulls off, much to James’ disappointment. He flashes a smile, “Practice makes perfect.” 

Aleks reaches over to James’ nightstand and rummages in the drawer until he finds what he’s looking for. He produces a bottle of mostly used lube and a condom. 

“Someone’s been busy,” Aleks teases, relishing James’ rising blush. Riling up James was his favorite pastime, particularly when he was so vulnerable. 

“Do you want to be fucked or not?” James tries to regain some semblance of dominance, but his reddened face betrays him. 

“Bit presumptuous aren’t we?” Aleks _tsk_ s, but he pours the lube generously over his fingers and starts to work himself open. 

James is in awe at the sight of Aleks preparing himself and thinks he must be dreaming. There’s absolutely no way he gets to have Aleks all for himself in this moment. 

_He’s not yours. He never will be._

Guilt twists his stomach roughly then as he realizes what he’s doing. He’s about to sleep with someone in a relationship. Not just someone. _His best friend._

Aleks takes no notice of James’ inner turmoil as he unrolls the condom onto James. He punctuates it with a kiss that James automatically leans into. 

It only takes Aleks sinking down into James’ lap for all coherent thoughts to fly from James’ mind. 

“You’re mine,” James mutters lowly into the crook of Aleks’ neck, desperately wanting those words to be true. Aleks snorts in response as if that were a crazy proposition. 

Time slows down to just the connection between their bodies. Every languid thrust capturing the bittersweet nature of their relationship. They can be James and Aleks now, but only for a few more minutes. 

James tumbles over the edge and he realizes there’s no turning back. He’s traded in his morality for a quick fuck with his taken best friend. Whatever post-orgasmic haze he was feeling vanished without a trace. He feels vaguely sick, knowing full well you can’t uncross a line like the one he’s crossed.

Aleks is all sated smiles and loose limbs as he leans on James’ bare chest. He swipes lazily at his stomach to clean up and hisses at the emptiness after James pulls out. 

James doesn’t know if he can look Aleks in the face, not after what he’s done. 

_It’s not worth it. I’m not a homewrecker. I can’t be. I shouldn’t be._

Whether Aleks is choosing to be ignorant or is truly oblivious is hard to say, but he seems entirely comfortable with the situation. He got off and that seemed to be his only goal. He rolls off the bed and gathers his clothing, slipping back into his jeans and shirt. He barely notices James’ silence, scrolling a bit on his phone. 

“Next time, yeah?” Aleks grins easily and leaves James’ room without another word. James waits for Aleks’ padding footsteps to fade out before drawing his knees to his chest. 

He was determined there would not be a next time. 

~~~

There was a next time. And a third time. And only more times after that. After their first time, it was like the dam burst. James was consumed by thoughts of Aleks and Aleks alone. He couldn’t wait to get his hands on him whenever he could. 

James knew Charlotte trusted Aleks with everything she had. Maybe she even loved him. He thinks she can’t love him more than James did. James loves Aleks. How could he not? 

One temptation sparked this whole damn thing, but James feels like Aleks could sense his barriers weakening. He was making a ruin of him and James could do nothing to stop him. 

It took until a late night at the office for Aleks to convince James again after their first tryst. It was so easy for the lies to spill from Aleks’ lips as he told Charlotte he’d be working late again and he had some editing to catch up on. His eyes caught James’ roaming gaze and he hurried off the phone, turning it off decisively. 

James had promised himself he wouldn’t falter like he had the first time. He was a good person at heart and sleeping with Aleks had been a rookie mistake he wouldn’t make again. 

If only he could actually believe that lie. 

Letting Aleks press him into the faded cow print of their couch as he muffled a filthy stream of words into a throw pillow was so very simple. 

Just give up control and Aleks would take the lead. If Aleks was in control, could James really be blamed? He managed to lull himself into that false sense of security with every searing kiss. 

~~~

Word of their little affair didn’t stay quiet for long. Brett learns of it eventually, noticing how James and Aleks would linger for hours after everyone had left. They were truly idiotic to think their goddamn manager wouldn’t notice their unannounced overtime. 

Brett isn’t angry; he’s just disappointed. James and Aleks have aged him into a father with their poor choices and he’s tired. God, he’s exhausted. 

He’s used to cleaning up their messes, but he draws the line at the mess they’ve gotten themselves into this time. They are grown men with real life consequences and honestly, Brett thinks they deserve them. He can’t believe they let a poor girl’s heart get mixed up in their complicated web of sexual tension. 

He doesn’t care if they fuck. He’d rather they get their weird tension shit out of their systems so they can focus on the work at hand instead of playing a ridiculous game of cat and mouse. He just doesn’t understand why Aleks insists on stringing a girlfriend along for the ride like her feelings don’t matter. 

It warps Brett’s perspective of the two and his heart pangs at the thought that two of his closest friends are not what he thought they were. They were all assholes through and through, but it had never been like this before. This is not something a simple Twitter apology could brush under the rug or a Reddit AMA could explain. 

It was irredeemable at its core and Brett didn’t even know where to start. Should he let them crash and burn or pump the brakes long before then? 

He isn’t sure if he cares enough to help them and that thought is deeply unsettling - he has never let them wallow in their own regret. 

Brett is James and Aleks’ lifeline and he just sailed past them. 

~~~

James and Aleks are certainly oblivious to Brett’s knowledge of their affair which only prompts a greater recklessness. Aleks spends three out of seven nights a week at James’ place. He is never there in the morning - the only sign of his being there is an impression in the right side of James’ bed. 

It’s strictly sexual and Aleks prefers it that way. James longs for more, more than he could ever ask for. He’s tired of quickies in the cramped warehouse bathroom and illicit texts that promise more than Aleks is willing to give. 

He’s tired of being the second choice, relegated to little more than a plaything for Aleks’ straying affections. His heart is breaking slowly and he knows nothing in the world could ever begin to mend it. 

James is complicit in his own destruction and the all-consuming guilt drowns him every time he closes his eyes. 

~~~

Blackness gives way to a dimly lit forest. Trees loom threateningly as they weave together to form a labyrinth James has no hope of escaping. The crunching of footsteps on fallen leaves echoes behind him as he twists and turns through the branches. 

He only slows down when he thinks he hears someone behind him, a quiet sort of approach that could easily be masked by his own noisy tread. He leans against the nearest trunk for support as he tenses up and listens closer. 

He sees a flash of color from ten feet behind him and the color drains out of his face. 

_Who could be here? Who would want to track him down?_

The person that emerges from the foliage is not who he expected at all. It’s Aleks, _his_ Aleks. Aleks wouldn’t hurt him, right? 

Aleks approaches rapidly, giving James no chance to retreat. He shoots an arm out and grips James’ forearm tightly. James tries to jerk away, but his attempts are futile. 

“You’re hurting me,” James’ voice comes out more plaintive than he would have hoped. 

Aleks’ face twists into something more sinister and he whispers, “You’re _mine_.” He digs his claws ( _claws?)_ into James’ arm and he only lets go when he breaks skin. James hisses through his teeth in pain and Aleks laughs cruelly. James had never feared his favorite person up until this moment. 

He wakes up in a cold sweat. The right side of his bed is still empty. He is alone. He will always be alone. 

~~~

Work is much of the same, but James doesn’t think his heart is in it. Watching the videos back reveals how detached he really is and he has to stop himself from deleting the whole day’s footage. 

Aleks pulls him to the side like he does seemingly everyday, filling his head with a steady stream of filthy words. He grabs James’ arm and James suddenly feels ice cold. He remembers the dream and how it made him felt. 

Aleks must notice his hesitation, because he backs off and asks him what’s wrong. James mutters something about “ _not today_ ” and he brushes Aleks off with what little conviction he has left. 

The car ride back home is silent as James lets his mind buzz with a pleasant white noise. 

It only takes him a couple minutes to slip off his shoes, pet Ein on the head, and fall into bed fully clothed. He stays like that face-down in his pillow as his phone _ding_ s incessantly. 

He digs around until he can pull up the suggestive photo Aleks had captioned “ _missing you_ ”. James just leaves him on read and throws his phone carelessly on the carpet next to him. 

Ein whines to be let up on the bed and while he normally doesn’t let her, he scoops her up in his arms and lets her cocoon against him. He whispers into her fur, “Why did I let him do this to me, Ein?” 

Ein stares unblinkingly up at her owner with glistening black eyes and responds with a lick to his hand. He ruffles the fur around her ears for good measure and lets himself pass out not long after. 

He is so tired. 

~~~

It takes a few days for Aleks to notice James withdrawing and by that point, James doesn’t think he has anything left for Aleks to take. He’s been stripped bare - he’s given all of himself and received nothing in return. He wants to be left alone to lick his wounds but Aleks is relentless in his pursuit. 

He doesn’t know how to go about ending this thing - whatever it is - for fear of destroying the professional relationship he shares with Aleks. He knows he should have thought about that before fucking his best friend, but he thought with his heart instead of his brain. Aleks clearly only thought with his dick and James just let him. 

James thinks that’s the worst part of all - he never once stopped Aleks from having an affair with him. The guilt that crushes him with every step doesn’t seem to impact Aleks and yet Aleks is the one ruining his own life. Instead, Aleks has managed to ruin two lives that are not his own. He is careless and stupid and James can’t help but love him for every bit of it. 

Love is a bitter taste in James’ mouth now, knowing how it drew him in and spit him back out without hesitation. He let Aleks’ sweet words and sexual favors convince him of a relationship that never actually existed. 

His moral compass was utterly decimated and for what? Aleks’ attention and validation for a few months? He’s disgusted with himself for thinking that was worth it. 

He threw away years of friendship for Aleks warming his bed and now all he wants to do is to get far away from him. Far enough to where Aleks can’t be the one to put the final nail in his coffin. 

He knows what he has to do and it kills him to even consider it. 

He knocks on Brett’s door. 

~~~

Seeing James so distraught almost breaks down the walls Brett has constructed around the issue of the affair. Brett had promised himself he wouldn’t get involved. It was messy and ugly and Brett wanted to maintain some semblance of professionalism in the workplace. Clearly, Cow Chop would not be the place for that, but Brett can’t be blamed for a lack of trying. 

James had promised Aleks this would be kept a secret from everyone except themselves and James had agreed readily - not willing to entertain the consequences of his actions. 

Telling Brett is like ripping the band-aid off the freshly inflicted wound, but in the same token, it’s cathartic. 

The dam protecting James’ feelings breaks and James sobs openly, every shred of his composure torn away. They’re big, heaving sobs and he knows he looks like an absolute wreck. 

Brett lets him get it all out, because despite his reservations, James is still one of his good friends and he doesn’t deserve the emotional gauntlet he’s been put through. 

Brett gently lets him know that he had known about the affair all along and James looks up in surprise. 

“You’re kidding yourself if you thought Aleks was in any way inconspicuous,” Brett remarks dryly and James manages a short laugh at that. 

Brett wants to reassure James that it will be okay, but he’s not sure if he can guarantee that. James understands and silently takes proffered tissues to wipe away his tears. 

He is the only one who can decide if he will be okay, and that will take time. He knows that now. He just doesn’t know how he can tell Aleks that. 

He is afraid. 

~~~

James invites Aleks over a week later, struggling to maintain a strictly professional relationship with him. 

He doesn’t disclose the real reason Aleks is coming over, worried Aleks won’t come if he does. He’s also worried he won’t be able to say no if Aleks propositions him. 

Aleks rings the doorbell moments later and James’ heart jumps into his throat. 

Pulling open his front door is a tremendous feat and seeing Aleks smile weakens his resolve. 

“Can’t believe you’ve been holding out on me, James,” Aleks jokes, moving past him comfortably like he’s done it a hundred times before. There’s a fluidity to his motion that James admires and it’s easy now to understand why he was so captivated by Aleks. 

James shakily lets out a breath and he says, “Aleks, we need to talk.”

Aleks’ face morphs into a look of confusion. “Are you breaking up with me?” he jokes, but it’s not funny to James. 

“Yes,” James forces himself to speak, mouth feeling like it’s full of sand. Aleks seems upset now. 

“What the fuck, James, what we had was perfect and now _you’re_ dumping _me_?” Aleks snaps, clearly irritated. 

“What about Charlotte?” James counters coolly, tired of Aleks’ mind games. 

“What about her? She’s my girlfriend. You and I just fuck, it’s not like there was anything more than that,” Aleks laughs bitterly. 

“Did you really think there was more to it than that? C’mon, James, you can’t be that naive. We were just having fun,” Aleks continues, every comment shattering James a little more. 

“Do you ever take your head out of your own ass for one second, Aleksandr? God, I guess I can’t expect more from someone who is an egotistical prick,” James retorts. 

Aleks seems at a loss for words which is a miracle in and of itself, because James thinks the man never once shuts his mouth. To put it simply, if running your mouth was an Olympic sport, Aleks would have won the gold three times over. 

It used to be endearing to James to hear Aleks talk endlessly about topics that interested him. It used to be a challenge to see if James could call him on his bullshit since James seemed to be able to do that better than anyone else with Aleks. Aleks would always grin and shove him playfully if James called him out in front of everyone else. There was never any true anger or frustration in it. 

Now James thinks he could cut the tension with a knife. Aleks clearly wants to say more, but he’s holding his tongue. James almost wishes he’d unleash every insult and cruel comment he’s holding back right now. If they got it all out right now, then maybe James could pick up the pieces of his heart faster. 

“Speechless, huh?” James can’t resist the jab despite knowing he’s only making it worse. Aleks’ expression turns stormy and James knows he’s pushed it too far. He just wants to make Aleks hurt as much as Aleks had hurt him. It wasn’t fair that Aleks could get off scot-free - to still get the girl and the perfect life while James was left lonely and heartbroken. 

They stand opposite each other for another thirty seconds until James can’t stand it anymore. He doesn’t feel comfortable in his own home. 

He pulls open his door and gestures for Aleks to leave. 

“Sorry I made you realize there is more to the world than your own sexual gratification. Have a nice life with your girlfriend who deserves so much better than you,” James shuts the door in Aleks’ face and it’s not as satisfying as he would have hoped. 

He hears the _thunk_ of Aleks’ car door shutting and his car peeling out of his driveway. 

Half of James wishes Aleks had bothered to fight for him and the other half is thankful Aleks walked away without another word. 

It’s over and yet James feels hollow. He misses Aleks with a fierceness that is unfair and he sinks to the floor on wobbly legs. 

He just wants someone to hold him. 

That someone just walked out of his life. 

~~~

Aleks drives home, cranking up the radio to drown out the swirling thoughts. He can’t believe James spoke to him like that. James is not the personality he shows on video - he is socially anxious and gentle. To anger James that much, Aleks realizes he must have been the one to fuck up. 

The weight of his words hit him after he’s pulled into his driveway and he sits in his car, struggling to wrap his head around the situation. 

Hurting James is a hard pill to swallow and he’s apparently decided his actions have been justified this entire time. He’s not so sure anymore. 

He stumbles out of his car and pulls open the fridge. He glances at the beer on the door before he decides he needs something much, much harder. 

It only takes him reaching into the cupboard above the fridge and pulling down a bottle of rum to get wasted on his couch. 

He craves the drunken stupor that comes from hard liquor that allows him to forget everything that happened that night. 

Charlotte tries to FaceTime him and he rejects the call like he had too many times in the past month. Even without the distraction of James, he finds himself less and less willing to see or even talk to his girlfriend. 

_What did that mean for his relationship?_ He didn’t want to know. 

Aleks takes another long drink from his glass and lets the rum cloud his scrambled thoughts. 

~~~

James and Aleks no longer film videos together - Brett making up schedules where they film at separate times and new partnerships flourish in their wake. 

He regularly looks over to the other side of the couch, ready to make a joke that he knows Aleks would laugh at and realizing it’s Lindsey or Brett. 

Charlotte dumps Aleks not longer after James watched Aleks drive away and James wants to feel vindicated, but he just feels sad. 

Aleks was a thoughtless asshole, but that didn’t change the fact they had shared so much of themselves with each other over the years. 

Sexual tension had built up slowly and it only took five minutes for it to all come crashing down. 

Their relationship was give-and-take and Aleks had taken too much finally. James couldn’t go back to that, no matter how much he wanted to. 

He would do things, but this time, for himself instead of for anyone else. He had spent so much of his life catering to his family and friends; he had never really stopped to think about himself. 

Now was better than never and James planned to take full advantage of that. 

~~~

Aleks knows Charlotte left because of the ceaseless drinking. He doesn’t think she knew about the affair, but it’s not like that matters at this point. He’s living at the bottom of a bottle and it’s not worth the effort to keep up with his now ex-girlfriend. 

He had become a shell of his former self when James no longer spoke to him. He didn’t make nearly as many jokes or stream much anymore. He was somewhat of a recluse as James forced him to think about things he hadn’t before. It didn’t help he lost Charlotte too, but he certainly deserved that. 

James had been more than justified that night and it took those harsh words to wake him up. James had always been his everything and he threw it away for nothing. 

He was afraid to face his own feelings and losing James was the catalyst to opening himself up more. 

He knew he wasn’t really in touch with his emotions, but it took Charlotte leaving him to make the conscious choice to sober up and work on processing his feelings in a healthier way. 

He wanted James back more than anything. He knew his apologies were worthless, but maybe if he could show James that he meant more than a fuck buddy… he could have him again. 

He resolved to be a better person not only for James, but for himself. They both deserved that much. 

~~~

It had been nearly eight months since that fateful night James basically told Aleks to fuck off and never come back and James is doing better. He’s started streaming more and uploading more frequently on his personal channel. Donations and subs pour in with an incredible amount of support he had never anticipated and he feels… okay. 

His latest stream had just ended and he’s going to take off his headphones when a text comes through. 

_Aleks: I just watched your stream. You look good. I miss you._

Before, a text like that would have torn him apart, but now, he’s made progress. Aleks is not the enemy - he never was. 

James’ low self-worth and prioritization of others over himself preyed on him long before Aleks took advantage of him. Aleks exploited those weaknesses, but it was obvious Aleks had his own demons to deal with. 

James replies with a simple, “ _Come over._ ”. His heart clenches at the thought of seeing Aleks one on one again, but they both needed to heal. He had had enough time. It was time to let Aleks back in. 

~~~

James pulls open the door to a very apologetic Aleks, who somehow seems much smaller than the Aleks who had stood on his stoop eight months ago. 

“I’m sorry,” Aleks whispers, his words not nearly enough to fill the space between them. 

James bridges the gap and draws Aleks into his arms. 

“It’s okay.”

Aleks looks like he wants to say more, but he knows anything said further could shatter the peaceful understanding hanging in the air in that moment. He soaks in the presence of James, a gift he’s been allowed to have again. 

“I missed you too,” James murmurs into Aleks’ hair and a warmth spreads throughout his whole body feeling vaguely familiar and yet holding the promise of something new. 

“Thank you,” Aleks replies, meaning that more than he can even express. James didn’t have to forgive him and yet here he is holding Aleks close. 

Despite everything, they needed each other. 

It was worth the wait. 


End file.
